Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Random Stuff.

So i really don't know what's wrong with me.
I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. Like church for instance, I can never compete with any of the girls who go there, & i feel like i just don't even belong there. The old church i went to, I did not like at all. I don't think i really will. I wanna find a place where i truly belong. I have felt this way for a long time. I'm not going to lie to everyone about this but there is still someone who means a lot to me and he will never like me again, & I guarantee it. [ & I'm not just looking for a church to find boys, I'm looking for a place where everyone is a family, there is no ignorance,fighting,secrets, and basically everyone likes each other. ]
Every time i walk into my church I feel so much drama. there is so much of it, i can't even focus on the real reason why i come to church. I wish everyone would stop fighting and get along. Honestly when you go to church your not suppose to have a burden on your shoulder. Just like pastor says. It's a place where you go to see god, && worship with your friends and family. I can't worship with someone who dislikes me. [ If you get my drift ]

[ Now i just lost my train of thought ] See i was really upset when i started writing this, then someone made me smile and i just forgot it all. I still have more to say about this. Don't think your getting off that easy.



So this really bothers me. I like to dress like the clothes in urban outfitters. I absolutely love goodwill now. I really adore forever 21. Honestly those stores are the only places I shop. But the thing is money is such a BIG problem. I just doesn't grow off of trees as my mom would say. But, technically they do. Ha. I honestly don't know where people these days get money, i mean like to where they can buy anything & everything they ask for. I do not understand.
There are so many things that i would love to get. Except the one also BIG thing that's in my way. My own job. Now see I was suppose to get one this summer. I didn't. Of course.
" You have all your life to work" as my mom would say. " But it's a great experience for her" as my dad would say. This is why I did not get a job. Mom wouldn't let me. Most parents are more like " GET A JOB " Complete opposite of my parents.
I mean i get clothes. But when i do its either all in one day or spread out. Ya know ?
Well anyways . . I need to get a job as soon as possible so I can get the things I want.

You know whats a good idea to save money ? or too keep money in for certain things?
I have like little boxes that say different things on them like "clothes" "eyebrows" "shoes" etc.
I put the money i earn in one of those boxes every week or day and save it for whatever box i put it under.
I think it's a pretty nifty idea !

This blog was half pointless because i keep loosing my focus on what I am writing.
Boo on you mind.


  1. I totally get both sides of this post. I recently started attending a new church and even though I see where I could be a year or so from now, at the moment, I feel pretty alone and alienated. They could be my family, and I want them to be, but how do I show that?

    Also, the job thing, I wrote a post about it last night. My parents would be all for me getting a job but it really seems out of reach for me. Like such an impossibility. There are so many things I'd like and that I need. I almost never shop for clothes because I hate asking to and I don't enjoy shopping on a short leash. Goodwills and other thrift shops are my total favorites because you can find things that are unique and that is rare.

    Anyways, I so sympathize with you and I hope in both situations you find success. Good blog!

  2. ahh finally someone who completely understands me !
    && i love your answer to my post ! i appreciate that (:

    and one day i'll find success in this all ! thank you !
    && good luck to you tooo !